Different.

Different

By: Emily Wakefield

Journal Entry Number One
I can’t do this. I can’t always be the one who is the center of each conversation I hear in the hallway. I feel like I’m a caged and all people want to do is stare at me because they don’t understand me. If only people knew how I felt. I know I’m different I just wish people could accept that.

Well let me start at the beginning of my story. It all began when I lived in Williamsburg, Virginia before my mom got a new job and moved us to Portland, Oregon. So when my mom was still working as a pediatrician at St. Sage hospital about ten miles away from our house I loved my life. Every morning I would wake up and find something new to do or someone new to play with. But what kid doesn’t when they are eight? I used to play soccer everyday and my team almost made it to a regional’s tournament but we all caught the stomach flu so we had to forfeit. Ever since we moved to Portland I haven’t played soccer or been happy to wake up each morning.
Some days when my mom gets paged to come into her new job as pediatric surgeon I fake sick just so I don’t have to deal with the pressure of being made fun of. I miss my old school and my old friends. At Hillside Middle school the kids are unwelcoming and mean. My mother Kristen went to talk to the principal about bullying but nothing has changed. So, I’ll have to learn to deal with it. Anyways, there is no need to fake sick today because my mom knows I’m fine so I have to go get ready for school.
-Bailey “Bailey! Are you ready to go?” Kristen yelled from downstairs.
“Hold on I have to brush my teeth and get dressed” He responded.
“Can’t you get ready faster like Justin? It doesn’t matter what you look like, the girls will like you for your charm” She laughed.
“That’s just because Justin wakes up at 6:00 each morning and I need my sleep.” Bailey mumbled while brushing his teeth. Then he ran to the sink to spit out the toothpaste. Then from the bathroom he ran to his bedroom and put on jeans and a pretty blue sweater he had gotten from his dad right before he left for Iraq. Both his mom and his dad worked in the medical field but unlike his mom his dad was in the military. Bailey quickly jogged downstairs and put on his shoes then ran to the car.
“Shotgun!” Justin shouted from behind Bailey as he grabbed his shoes.
“Whatever, you do each day.” Replied bailey. He never tried to pick fights with his brother and didn’t care where he sat in the car one way or another. Justin was in ninth grade and Bailey was in eighth. Their paths crossed a lot at school. Bailey knew that Justin would always be there for him and he could tell him anything but he hadn’t told him his biggest secret, at least not yet.
“Thanks for the ride Mom,” Justin shouted from outside of the car.
“Yeah thanks,” Bailey added.
“You’re welcome. Have a great day, I love you!” Kristen said. Everyday she would say that she loved them but they were to embarrass to say they loved her too right in front of the other students. Bailey and Justin always thought about saying it back to her because it was true, they did love her but they were nine they hadn’t said it since her was nine and just didn’t find it necessary.
As they walked into school together they soon both went down separate hallways, this is when the abuse of words would truly hit Bailey. Everyday it was the same old routine. He’d walk to his locker, then hear tons of mean things smacking him in the face just like a paddle, and then go to his first class, math. Bailey was one of the kids at his old school who actually cared about schoolwork and his grades. He had always had all A’s but now since he hated to go school so he was failing.
“Now students take your seats,” Ms. Copper exclaimed with a warm smile.
“Hello, is this seat taken?” Grace Kennedy asked. Bailey had seen her on the first day give him a little wave but he didn’t wave back because he wasn’t positive if it was meant to be towards him.
“No it‘s not, you can sit here,” he returned.
“Oh no I don’t want to sit here I thought I could just use it for my feet” An awkward silence dawned upon them. She was waiting for him to laugh but he took it seriously.
“I was just kidding! Sorry my sarcasm sounds so serious.” They both shared a laugh and she sat down.
Ms. Copper began with her lesson on the Pythagorean theorem and told them to split into partners. On occasion they would work in small groups and partners and Bailey hated that. He would always end up working alone. He thought maybe him and Grace were friends. Ever since she transferred into his math class she was the only one besides the teachers who showed respect and also kindness.
“Do you want to be my partner?” Grace asked politely.
“Sure I‘d like that,” Bailey responded smiling. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually felt accepted.
When first period was over Grace and Bailey walked out of the room together. The rest of the day flew by fast compared to other days. Bailey only heard a couple things spoken about him. When he got home he ran up to his room and wrote his second entry.
Journal Entry Number two
Today was one of the days that I actually wouldn’t mind not forgetting. This girl named Grace Kennedy was my partner so I didn’t have to work alone. I don’t mind working alone but it is actually fun having a friend. Not everyone hates me. Grace is not your typical girl. She is pretty yet also she speaks what comes into her head, and stands up for everything she believes in. I asked her many questions and she answered each one of them. She was born in Boone, North Carolina, which is just south of my hometown. They are Border States. Also, she has a sister Justin’s age. Her dad works as a lawyer and her mom is a stay at home mom. I think I know her enough to call her my friend.
On my walk home today I walked alone listening to the birds chirping and looking at the bright blue sky. I love when the sun shines. It makes me feel happy and makes me want to draw a picture of it. So I decided to grab my sketchbook from my backpack and a pencil then I drew a Madrona tree with the sun shining through its branches. It turned out all right. Well that was the highlight of my day. I’m gonna go eat dinner now.
-Bailey
As Bailey walked downstairs he smelled the aroma of spaghetti filling the air. He had forgotten to eat a snack after school because he’d had many pages of math to finish so he was starving. When he walked into the kitchen his brother was sitting already eating.
“Hey Bailey, Mom got paged to come into the hospital so she said to just eat whenever.” Justin informed.
“Oh okay. Sounds good,” replied Bailey as he grabbed a plate and fork from the cupboard. He sat down and began eating the pile of noodles sitting in front of him.
“So how was your day?” Justin wondered.
“It was fine. How was yours?
Justin paused while chewing, then said, “good, there is this really cool girl in my P.E. class so we got to talking.”
“Oh cool, what’s her name?” Bailey asked.
“Lena Kennedy.” Justin could just picture her smile in his mind. She was the nicest girl he had ever met. Justin wasn’t the type of guy, like in the movies that recycled girls; he was in it for long-term relationships. Back in Virginia he had a girlfriend he thought he actually loved but then he moved all the way to Portland. Both him and Kristen acted devastated but it wasn’t true love, it was an eighth grade love.
Bailey thought about how that name sounded familiar. Finally it struck him. “Oh I met her sister today. She asked to be my partner in math.” He responded. “She‘s really nice.”
“I guess that runs in the family.” Justin added grinning.
“Well I’m going to go clean my room before mom comes home. See you later.” Bailey said while putting his plate in the sink.
“Alright, bye.” Justin yelled.
Up in his room Bailey fumbled through the piles of clothes covering his floor and sorted them into clean and dirty. He usually just put them all down the laundry chute. It was less work he constantly thought while cleaning his room.
He found a t-shirt that used to be his dads’ and he started thinking about him. John was the type of dad that you could talk to at night if you couldn’t sleep or take you out on a Sunday evening to play catch at the park. Bailey really missed his dad. He’s been gone for over a year and his family only gets to talk to him every two weeks.
Bailey looked up from the shirt and placed it on his bed while taking all of the other clothes to the chute. When he returned to his room he looked at his calendar and saw that his dad was coming home in a week. He was so happy! He could just smell the scent of his dad’s cologne that he smelled whenever his dad hugged him.
After Bailey was done cleaning his messy room he brushed his teeth and went to sleep. He usually didn’t go to bed so early but he had nothing else better to do.
In the middle of the night Bailey woke up in cold sweat. He had just had the worst dream and couldn’t go back to sleep.
Journal Entry Number Three
I can’t sleep. I just had the worst dream. A circle of people who were all making fun of me and calling me names surrounded me. When I tried to get out of the circle of people they shoved me back in and called me gay. That was when I woke up. I realize that it’s the truth but when people begin using it as an insult that’s when it bothers me. And the scary thing is this dream was so realistic.
This has happened to me before and I wanted to forget it but I was unable to, with this horrible dream reliving itself in my head. The thing is before I moved to Portland some people accepted me while others always called me names. The people who decided to hurt me circled around me while I was headed to lunch and shoved me into the bathroom where no one else was. After that I told my mom and I didn’t have to go back to that horrible place. I was glad about not having to get bullied anymore but also sad because some of my best friends lived there. But as I have told you the bullying has yet to stop.
My life has never been what you would call “good” since I was in fifth grade. Fifth graders are all so nice and don’t know any bad words. The worst thing that happened to me in fifth grade was I broke my arm because I jumped off a swing on day I recess.
Anyways it’s 4:17 AM so I’m gonna try to go back to sleep.
-Bailey The next day at school Bailey heard yelling coming from the eighth grade hallway. He walked over to see what it was and saw Grace running to first period while guys laughed and glared at him. He wondered what was going on so he grabbed his binder and walked to first period math. As he walked in he saw Grace was the only person in the classroom. She had her head done and was silent except Bailey thought he heard he crying so he went up to her. “Um, Grace are you okay?” He asked her. As she looked up Bailey saw tears filled her eyes. “No, I‘m not okay,” she answered while crying so her words weren’t clear. “What’s wrong?” Bailey wondered. “It‘s nothing, I hate some of the people at this school. They don‘t understand how anybody feels and they don‘t care,” she cried. “I know what you mean, I have been having to ignore them ever since I started going here. But what did they do to you?” “They made fun of my best friend. You don‘t know what it feels like to have to stick up for what you believe in,” she responded. “Yes I do. Everyday I deal with it,” Bailey said. “Okay well they were making fun of you. And your one of my best friends that I have, so I stuck up for you but people can be so mean and I got overwhelmed so I started to cry. I‘m sorry.” Admitted Grace. “They never stopped. I‘m used to it. What were they saying?” Bailey asked. “They were calling you dumb, stupid, gay, and other names. I just don’t remember them. But I don’t believe them whatsoever.” She cried. “Okay, well I have never told anyone this and I need to trust you but I am gay,” he said steadily. A silence dawned upon them just until the math class swarmed in from the hallway. Grace’s tears had gone away after she had been told the truth about her friend, Bailey. Bailey wished he had not told her right before math. He wished they could have time to talk more so their conversation didn’t end on a cliffhanger. But on the other hand, he was very relieved to have gotten it off his shoulders and not only to himself. Now he could talk about it with someone and he thought that it would help their friendship. When the day was finally over Bailey made a B line for the door so he could find his brother. As he walked out of language arts He had talked to grace for about twenty minutes after school ended so he needed to run to find his mom and brother. Because it was 3:00 P.M. his mother and brother would be mad that they had to wait for him. Journal Entry Number Four Today was quite a relief. School has been better and I’ve gotten my grades up. Plus, I told Grace and Justin my big secret. When I first told Grace we had to go to math so I told her then talked to her more about it after school. She said no one had ever told her that big of a secret and that she would never tell anyone. That means a lot to me to be able to trust someone so much with this secret. Well it’s not a secret anymore because I finally told the two people I trust most. When I told my brother it was after we got home and my mom went to the office. We were sitting at the table when he asked me how my day was and I told him all about it. He was very understanding, but a little shocked at first. I would be shocked to if it was coming from the other direction. Him coming to me randomly and shouting out something I hadn’t known about him even though I’ve known him for twelve years. I have decided that when my dad gets home I’m going to come out and tell the truth about me. I might even tell my whole family. They will have to learn to accept me because everyone is different.
-Bailey